Controversy

2011-03-29T13:54:00.002+08:00

It's hard..looking at past pictures brings back so much memories..

I really wonder how true he is...we been through so much after all..but it may all be a game?

Sick of mind games...just want things to go back being simple again...

2011-01-25T12:50:00.000+08:00

I probably deserved that. :)

It was never my strength to continue..I am always the one that has the strength to cut it away. Do it not for yourself but it would help the other too.

2010-07-29T11:07:00.000+08:00

Letting you get on my nerves like this is really stupid.

Why do you think I get defensive? Because I care about what you said. Because what you said actually matters. Even though you can't steer my life (and rightfully no one can steer another person's life) but I do care.

Why do you always like to assume? How would you know I am not down. I was down cause of work and now you claim it's cause of him. SERIOUSLY, WTF? WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME FOR REAL?!

Right now, I am || this close to sinking into depression but I am trying my best to keep my spirits up. So please, don't give me more reasons to backslide.

I feel so tired. Not because of the lack of sleep but because I really feel like giving up on life itself.

26 and so utterly hopeless. Yay! Go me!

Any more crap from people I think I will really go do some drastic since my lifestyle apparently DEFINES me as a person and CHANGES me to become a bad person.

Whatever k W/E.

2010-06-21T22:31:00.003+08:00

I want to end it all tonight.

Amazing what kind of havoc one can of beer can do........but it's stupid to go out now. Tomorrow I guess. Tonight, I drink. I remember. I feel sad. I try my best to get over it.

I never lacked the courage to say what I wanted to say...I am just bad at doing things that I know will hurt me so much when I do it.

But when I do it cause of a can of beer...it's called...u reap what you sow.

No regrets. No chance for any regrets. Keep repeating it and it will come true sooner or later.

I am over it.

I am over it.

I am over it.

It's not worth it.

2010-06-09T20:17:00.000+08:00

:) Just forget it.

2010-05-12T17:11:00.001+08:00

Fucked up is just fucked up.

yeah, that's me.

2010-04-01T10:35:00.001+08:00

ARGH why the fuck does everything that has to go wrong, go wrong? @_@

2009-12-26T22:32:00.000+08:00

I am insane. I must be.

2009-04-19T13:54:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! & I am blogging this from Vietnam (Hanoi) Airport!

It's been fine ;D <3

I love mummy & daddy!

2008-12-21T20:55:00.001+08:00

Yup! Definitely time for a new blog :D

*creating it in progress*

2008-10-29T14:01:00.001+08:00

It's time for a new blog. You think?

2008-09-16T09:43:00.000+08:00

I ...am bored -_-

2008-09-12T11:49:00.000+08:00

just did my nails! so inconvenient though... blah..not much mood to do anything lately. sleeppppppppy.

MR ftw ^^

2008-05-13T05:25:00.003+08:00

=)

Games are so fun.

Aren't they?

2008-03-21T04:59:00.001+08:00

^_^

2008-01-19T15:08:00.000+08:00

Chickens are sort of amusing. I think I am just nutters >_>;;

2008-01-08T05:01:00.000+08:00

Whoah. 2008.

It's the year. ^_^

......... :)

Sometimes.. people that look happy...are not really happy.

*hates*

2007-09-28T07:42:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to say, just thought of dropping a note in here.

2007-09-25T07:35:00.000+08:00

If you are still reading this.

Thank you ^_^

2007-09-03T22:03:00.001+08:00

...........................................XD

Still alive! ^________________^

2007-07-25T02:04:00.000+08:00

Ok.....how long haven't I touched here?

-_-''

XD <3

I have fallen out with <3.

2007-05-11T05:11:00.001+08:00

XD

It's fun to think back how dumb one can be.

and I just realised..I had a better command of english in the past.

Even when I am angry...LOL~

2007-04-23T04:50:00.000+08:00

It's so easy to start something and also so easy to end something.

It's maintaining that something that is the hardest.

Till today..I haven't found something that makes me want to maintain it.

Perhaps I will never find it.

Not in this life?

2007-04-22T00:41:00.000+08:00

It's been a while~ XD

Anyone still reading this? ^_^

*hugs and kisses*

2007-01-28T20:29:00.001+08:00

First post of 2007..

Over him finally.

^_^

Ended it all on the last few days of 2006..

No longer feeling miserable when I think of him anymore.

Its just a wistful feeling left..of what could have been.

2006-09-05T00:16:00.000+08:00

i juz realise..

u can really never stop missing someone...

and that someone will also never be replaced...

when that someone is gone..

u just learn to live without that someone.

because life goes on.

I miss you. mama..

2006-08-05T03:24:00.000+08:00

i am learning to treasure everything i have...

but its really difficult...

2006-07-23T13:05:00.000+08:00

singing k really bring back memories.
:)

2006-07-17T20:29:00.000+08:00

aiz! in sg le.
fell sick so mani days.
ZZZ SIAN AH!

anyway..
many thoughts running in my mind..
ah~ I dun care le!

2006-07-17T13:26:00.000+08:00

going bACK LE now blogging in AIRPORT...><

sigh..sadded~!

2006-07-16T15:21:00.000+08:00

ｂｌｏｇｇｉｎｇ．．．ｉｎ　ｔａｉｐｅｉ！！:D

cutting hair now...keke...

2006-07-09T19:11:00.000+08:00

so long no blog le.

quite a bit of stuff happened.

so busy with work ><

yaWnZ...

2006-06-25T17:09:00.000+08:00

World Cup Fever!!

Am on hiatus :D

2006-06-18T23:29:00.000+08:00

....><

bleah

blogging at liquid kitchen now..

had an ice cream craze last night...

went to a lot of petrol stations to eat ice cream..lols
met up with old friends this week

kinda cool :)

on a seperate note.
20/06/2006 is coming.

Will u spend it with me? :)

2006-06-11T13:46:00.000+08:00

Its weird but well.
Life goes on.
Have been having nightmares of the past
Looks like the dream catcher is not working that well!
keke but nvm..its the thoughts of the giver that makes it special.
Added 1 new member to my soft toy kingdom.
Sasha! A round..fluffy cute panda :D

2006-06-06T23:10:00.000+08:00

AH the dreaded date

lols

06/06/06

4 days to something

10 days to something else

14 days to something something else.

2006-05-28T05:20:00.000+08:00

Juz watched X-Men 3 today

thoughts will come later :)

Time: 2.30am
Place: Plaza Sing
Seat: C5/6

2006-05-20T16:45:00.000+08:00

One year ago.
U gave me the most memorable present.
The time was 12.00am 20/05/2005.
I wonder if u still remember... :)

One month later when 20/06/2006 comes...
I wonder if u will still remember our promise :)

2006-05-14T17:07:00.000+08:00

Happy mother's day to all the mummies in the world!

2006-05-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

A song my friend sent me...

You and I, were never meant to be together
And now it's time for me to go
But deep in my heart you will always stay forever
In another place, in another time
So walk with me and let me hold you close
And we will share this last memory
And dream about our love, and what it means
To love someone enough, to set them free
In another place, in another time
In the space between, any reason or rhyme
Someday we'll have it all and our love will shine
In another place in another time
You will always be, the one on my mind
In another place, in another time
In another place, in another time...

2006-05-12T22:36:00.000+08:00

actually.
I missed u too.
but unfortunately.
u are no longer u.
and I am no longer me.
We are both no longer the people that we actually missed.

The changes were small and insignificant actually but when accumulate over time it became significant.

2006-05-12T02:08:00.000+08:00

I don't know what I did to make people hate me.

But well I guess I won't find out either.

Its all for the better. I guess.

Then again...Mother's Day is coming...

Sigh...This year every occasion seems to lack something.

:(

BTW: Happy Birthday to my son. deathy!

2006-05-10T23:21:00.000+08:00

Its been 3 mths...

and I still miss you very much.

Human beings are definitely liars when they say time will heal and tears will dry...

2006-05-07T01:09:00.000+08:00

:(

Aljunied GRC went to PAP...

>.<

The fight was so close....:( :( :(

I hope the Govt realises that the people can vote either way and money is not necessarily the best motivation for voting!!

Anyway thats the TAX PAYER'S MONEY - The PAP is talking about.

NOT only the GOVT'S MONEY!!!

2006-05-05T00:54:00.000+08:00

b-o-r-i-n-g

2006-05-03T20:18:00.000+08:00

Reflections~

This is going to be a totally personal post.

It all begin when I was 13 I guess...

The decision of rejection led me to learn that people who get along with you very well can just ignore you on a whim.

A girl name C led me to see that guys could change their mind and heart very fast.

A guy name W led me to know that a guy can fall for many people at one time.

A girl name S led me to know that friends could just turn their backs on each other.

Two girl name M and C led me to realise how possesive of friends they can get.

A guy name M led me to realise that when a guy is possessive...he can turn violent.

A guy name A allowed me to see that guys are actually very realistic about looks.

A guy name F led me to see that promises can be easily broken and guys are flirts basically

A girl name A showed me exactly how an ah lian can be when she is jealous for nothing

A girl name L taught me how to stand up for myself when I was being maligned due to her threats again over nothing.

A guy name J showed me how devoted love can be yet also how foolish love is when he gave up his true feelings for companionship.

A guy name A showed me that love is selfish when he tried to steal the girl his friend is chasing.

A guy name K showed me that guys in their twenties can be very selfish, cunning and totally untrustworthy. He is also the guy to show me violence and the meaning of physical contact.

A guy name C led me to see for myself the results of a loveless marriage.

A guy name Y led me to see the advantages of taking everything easy in a relationship yet also show me that after so many years even when it is time to settle down he still cannot stop flirting.

A guy name D showed me that a fatal attraction and crush could easily end another relationship and self confidence is really vital in a relationship as well as if a guy keep thinking about himself and neglect others..he is damaging the relationship totally.

A guy name J showed me how a guy can be so jealous even though his gf is talking to their mutual buddy

A guy name R showed me the damages of an unhappy childhood and the mental tortures a human has to go through before standing on his feet. He also showed me that a guy will never forgive a girl.

A guy name D showed me more acutely and clearly about violence,physical and abuse.

A girl name J showed me how devious humans can be when they want what they want.

A girl name S showed me how stupid a girl can be for lying about an affair over someone who does not deserve it.

A guy name G showed me how two faced one can get just to get into someone's good books.

A guy name N showed me how caring humans can be even though it is not really their problem.

A guy name D showed me how crazy and possessive a guy can get when the girl is not exactly his.

A guy name M showed me how vindictive and crazy a human can get when spurned.

A guy name K showed me how bad a friendship can get yet mend by itself over time.

A guy name C showed me the meaning of heartless.

A guy name J showed me the meaning of fickle.

A guy name G showed me the results of being indecisive and finally regrets.

A guy name E showed me that even good friends can't be trusted and they will betray if the need arises.

A guy name D showed me the meaning of love and lost as well as the meaning of cold.

A girl name S showed me the meaning of betrayal over money matters.

A guy name J showed me betrayal over another girl.

A guy name A showed me the reason why a girl can have an affair.

A guy name F showed me the meaning of empathy.

A guy name J showed me the meaning of almost everything above but not quite yet.

A guy name W showed me that I really can't accept stability just as yet.

A guy name E showed me that love can be spread around.

P.S :I will continue later-. Dinner 1st.

2006-05-02T22:23:00.000+08:00

Chuang Wai...

:)

Seems to be a song that suits me now.

Drowning in the anime world...thats all that I want.

I am on hiatus from human contact. Away from hp. Away from MSN.

Gimme a week or so. I need to sort things out.

- Snow

2006-05-01T23:12:00.000+08:00

Mood: Giggling.

I heart heart heart anime :D

2006-04-30T23:20:00.000+08:00

I heart syusuke
I heart kunimitsu

I heart eiji
I heart ryoma

I heart prince of tennis :D

2006-04-29T17:30:00.000+08:00

forget my ramblings :)

they were just ramblings.

2006-04-28T23:40:00.000+08:00

if u dun enjoy what u have now.

u won't be able to anymore.

2006-04-28T19:59:00.000+08:00

sometimes its better to be not so smart.
just feel like being alone now...
knowing the truth has made me lost faith in humanity.

2006-04-15T21:29:00.000+08:00

AH N80 looks so cool...now I dun noe which one I like le...-.-

SE or Nokia........

2006-04-15T13:09:00.000+08:00

erm did I have fun last night? ok la..

but i cut myself -.-

sobz..lols

thanks for coming! :D

2006-04-14T05:40:00.000+08:00

:D

bday coming le! keke..

its that time of the year again ^^

2006-04-10T14:14:00.000+08:00

I got a job!! It starts tml :D

keke ^^ oh well...here I come ! :D

2006-04-10T02:10:00.000+08:00

I am starting to dread the 10th of each month...

Its been 3 mths ..since that incident...

2 mths since her* bday...

1 mth since my labbit went in camp...

I don't know how to survive anymore...

alone in my own world...

I am missing you so much...

yet I know..no matter how unbearable is the pain...

I will have to walk through it on my own strength.

I don't know how long more I can last...

2006-04-09T19:12:00.000+08:00

bleAh....
I know I know..I am a lousy person/gf/daughter ...

but I promise I will try to be better :)

Someday I hope I can find my drive back...

Now I am still lost...somehow getting more and more lost....

2006-04-09T00:52:00.000+08:00

lalala.........

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO addicted to POT!! LOL

keke...

I wanna go watch my POT le :D

other then that...

had a great time chilling on friday with my friend..

&

had a great time @ sakae sushi supper buffet juz now...

22 colour plates and 2 red plates and 2 green tea!!

SO full...I am exploding ><

2006-04-06T00:11:00.000+08:00

I kinda miss the days of stability...
although I am getting stability in another way...
Is happiness always so short lived?
Sigh...expected it to happen sooner or later.
juz not so soon I guess.

No. I don't wanna give up yet.
I know we have our differences but things will only work out if we try and we will only cherish the things we have achieved through hard work.
Thats usually the case. IF everything is handed to you on a silver platter, you probably will take it for granted and forget that what's given to you is not really yours actually.

The vulnerability of human beings. >_<

2006-04-05T17:56:00.000+08:00

hmmMmmmm....

dun noe...feel bored :D

but anyway got shortlisted into the third round le.

so...professionalism here I come :D

2006-04-04T23:58:00.000+08:00

had a fun time today!

Its been a long time ya...

:)

the movie was nice but..not spectacular..nevertheless still worth a watch...

I would prefer it if there was more storyline at the end...

2006-04-04T06:33:00.000+08:00

Very sad ending.... ~>_<~

2006-04-03T19:30:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to Wei Qiang !

2006-04-03T18:42:00.000+08:00

too bad for geraldine...but I am really glad zhi yang won ...

I feel he deserves it more then teresa...

on a side note: he sang two of my fave songs!
Superwoman and Lian Ai Da Ren!

Way to go :D

Zhi de...Kiss Goodbye..all the songs so sad de :(

but sure to become ktv hits! I wan to sing! ^^

Oh ya I forgot..I like teresa de dress ..the one she made her first singing appearance in..but I don't like the way she sing zhi de..think she cannot sing low and powerful songs by zhang hui mei...

2006-04-03T00:53:00.000+08:00

I am at home now...juz now was at wei's place.-.-

wrong info..we went heeren to take pics but coz I have no scanner usb cable..so..I don't have the pics now..keke

Will upload next week together with next week de pics ba..:)

I wanna sleep but somehow I am thinking of rubbish again..

Feel so rubbish...

2006-04-02T03:07:00.000+08:00

haha..juz reach home..

went to merbau to chill..after going to his grandma's place for dinner..

yes..thats another first -.-''

met up with our mutual gaming friends for a gathering at merbau..and thats abt it.

dar got a bit too high though :X

but it turned out alright in the end :)

2006-04-01T14:10:00.000+08:00

I know...u feel that I am distant.

Yea I feel it too.

But I still hope that I can figure out my problems soon.

Promise I will try my best. :)

and Out I go!!

Its the weekend! YiPee...probably no time to blog..so..^ ^

and the reason why I don't wanna bring my lappy is because I wanna spend more time with you...cause...I am scared that I will neglect you if I bring it along.

anyway. I can't help that I have the itch to use it :X

2006-03-31T19:54:00.000+08:00

Tree ===
The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U. There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal. I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years. She watch me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years. She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so. My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers. When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know whose the guy. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school. I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her. When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too. During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

Leaf ===
During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemon. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another gal. I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right? Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for 3 years. Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me. Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay

Wind ====
Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfer to the new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him. One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accept the note. The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left. Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping that she will agree to me my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her door bell. During the moment when she opens the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

2006-03-31T19:30:00.000+08:00

I might change url....

hMm.....not too sure.

check out my msn nick ba or...

check out my msn spaces...

2006-03-31T18:57:00.000+08:00

我真的累了。。想要去一个没有人认识我的地方。。。

2006-03-31T18:49:00.000+08:00

I'm back! haha..
finally right?

well its convenient to use msn spaces because of the photo album but...having ur own blogspot really allows me to use more creativity on the design.

Having said that...you can always check out my msn spaces for my photos ! ^^
:D

Angel

2006-03-24T13:02:00.000+08:00

New place!!

100 Sultan plaza
(Jln Sultan/Beach Road)
#06-02

more info @ http://spaces.msn.com/stars-in-the-night

xD

2006-03-16T06:33:00.001+08:00

Whatever that should be left unsaid...I already say le..
Whatever that should have been left undone..I also do le..
Whatever the outcome suppose to be..Let's wait and see.

2006-03-14T18:45:00.000+08:00

http://spaces.msn.com/stars-in-the-night/

will be temporary using this webby untill blogger solves all the bugs.

Tons of pictures...my daily rants...and misc stuff are all there..

2006-03-12T23:43:00.000+08:00

i have so many questions..but no answers...
today..lets see..
last night was the last night of my operations @ haji lane..
am going to move already..
will update when its open..
need lots of support xD
then...ton in the shop with my friend who also having problems..
then this afternoon...went to suntec it show..but decided to buy a webcam @ the creative fair happening soon...instead..
then went bukit timah to eat...with some friends..
now in the shop waiting for a friend to come move some stuff as well as pick up stuff he bought.
i miss u*
really...seeing the messages in the past..
everything ended..coz of me..
i don't hope to turn back time..
but i wish i can ease the pain i caused u..
i wish i can come to u when i am hurt like u once promised me..
but it did not happen..
I was at ur door.. but u turned me away with accusations..
Then left me to hurt alone...
That broke my heart..
That was also the final straw...
I guess I can only say this to u...
Dui bu qi...shi wo dui ni de ai..shang hai le ni...
shui ran wo wang bu liao ni..
bu guo..wo xiang xin...ni hui bi wo kai xin... :)

Feeling totally vulnerable*
*sobs

2006-03-12T14:53:00.000+08:00

gosh..I am so surprised..
u still care about me..
lols..
I thought...i am something that has been sweeped under ur carpet and belonging to ur category of unwanted stuff already...hahaz...
Nahz..everything is all in the past between us already..
Since feb 16 2006 when u failed to..reply all my smses...
Its has been difficult..to let u go..to let u down...to move on..
And even...him* wasn't enuff to make me move on..
but in the end..because of my silly labbit...
I guess I found the courage to finally smile...:)

2006-03-12T00:15:00.000+08:00

I feel..so alone all of sudden...
Why are there so many people who claim that they love me..
Yet when I am in this mood..they are not here...
Then they will all turn up when my mood is ok...-_-''
Sighz..is this also human nature or a weird twist of fate?
Saturday nights are going to be unbearable..unless I am drinking..
Which I will be doing so later...i guess...-.-

2006-03-11T21:30:00.000+08:00

wo ai de ren...he ai wo de ren...
bu dou shi ai ma?
shang wo de ren..he wo shang de ren...
ye bu dou shi shang ma...
Zhi yao you ai jiu hui you shang...
Nan dao zhe jiu shi tian zhu ding de ma?

2006-03-11T17:08:00.000+08:00

finally i can blog
been drinking for the past week.
I also don't know why..
lol...
I onli know its not really helping.

Anyway...
If (u) see this.
pls remember to do ur full body checkup at any hospital.
its for ur own good.

At this rate I am going.
I am probably wasted.
Going to find a job on monday.
A temporary one 1st bahz..
A bit itching to earn money xD
wanna go back night job...
wanna learn how to be the greatest actress on earth in the entertaining world.
wanna learn to be more and more detached.

Relationships.
Bah!

2006-03-10T16:26:00.000+08:00

how do u feel if u know someone hates u?
how do u feel if u know someone wants to get rid of u?
how do u feel if u know that someone wants to be freed of u?
don't know.
maybe i just over emo.
over sentimental.
Then I think again.
Ain't I doing the same?
oh well..
Humans...contradictory creatures.
The way u ignored my heartfelt pleas.
hurt me to the core.

2006-03-10T15:07:00.000+08:00

this one mth..really pass very fast... for us..there is like a time limit to everything...coz he going ns le...sigh ...
1st time I met him was at a xmas outing...in my cafe..so we sort of spend xmas together bahz...not new year eve though..not his bday either..coz that time we not that close... Him sharing his stories with me which he normally dun tell people... Him comforting me during my grandma's funeral... Shopping @ Chinatown Bazzar during Cny eve... Tonning countless of times outside @ night... Me seeing him drunk for the very 1st time in his life... Watching Fireworks and Shopping together ...@ River Hongbao... Clubbing together @ O bar and Zouk...(his 1st time to Zouk) Our 1st kiss in a club ...although it was a quick one..but we were both realli shy :X keke...I really felt like there was just the two of us although we were surrounded by many people... >.< *blush* Me sending him off to the airport early morning...when he flew off to Japan to join his mum... His 1st time giving a girl a present... :X It was a very pretty necklace from Japan.... Spending Vday together...dinner and chilling out @ altivo.. Me spending the night over @ his place... Him spending the night over @ my place... Me cooking for him... Him cooking for me... Taking lots of pics...together... His 1st time telling a girl I love you/wo ai ni...using his voice :X Him comforting me when I was down... Him coming to my place to pei me...when I sick.. Going out together practically everyday... Went Sentosa with some friends... Went JB taking bus..just the two of us...and singing KTV together...@ Neway Having dinner with his parents...cousins...aunties..uncles and ah ma...@ Bukit Timah... Him sending me home... Me sending him home... His parents sending me home.... Sending him to camp...Keeping strands of his hair...Watching him become furless...Wearing his clothes...
Sometimes I feel I am more kiddy then him sia...lol.. Although..we are not together officially...and I know he wants it to be a proper relationship...but...I still can't get over some stuff bahz...too recent and too fast for me...think it will still take quite some time...>.< On a sidenote: I am glad both of u are getting on well...good luck.

2006-03-10T12:08:00.000+08:00

Sweet labbits xD

2006-03-10T12:00:00.000+08:00

silly furless labbit go camp le...
Wo hao xiang ta wo...

Here are some pics before he became furless :X

2006-03-10T00:54:00.000+08:00

silly labbit!! dun peep :X
Go sleep!!
:X
keke...
I wanna blog lahz...go sleep...
tml morning then u come see k?
:X shoO
..... -.-

Well thats my silly labbit for u..
He is perched on my head...looking at me type....
So..weird!!!! :X
keke...
Had a nice drinking session last night with 2 babes...
First time went to gotham...kinda cool! keke..
I guess...now I have to either find a new game or...stuff to keep me busy..
coz one silly labbit is going into camp le.
eh OoPs..should call him...silly furless labbit xD
keke..
hUGgIeS...
Will miss u de wor..>_<
muz miss me also hor...
keke...
wait i pinch u then u know...:X
muaHs...I go sleep le...go hug the silly furless labbit to sleeppppppppp >_<
eh wait...
pls dun squash me to the wallllllll >.<

2006-03-09T14:23:00.000+08:00

blogging at silly labbit's place...keke
his keyboard so nice to type :X
Too bad...i too use to delete button...
Then never use backspace le
coz lappy the backspace spoil le...then = sign also spoil...
>_<
So now all my emoticon is :X instead of =X
kekee...
Making a lot of typo wor...then he luffing at me >.<
SO MEAN DE...
Tml he go ns le...
I also got to wake up early to see him off :X
hahaha...
2 years wor...
Xiang ni O!!!
xD

*dun noe if we can realli continue this for so long...but for now...I am happy to be by ur side and I feel very very lucky to have u...
Muahs!! xD

2006-03-07T23:10:00.000+08:00

JB madness!!!
Went singing xD
Then eat eat eat whole day...
Thanks to a labbit who is never full :X
haha...lucky i not going to yang this labbit...if not...
I going to be broke liaoz!!!
:X

keke..update more later :X
labbit beside me >_<
wait he bite me :X

2006-03-06T22:53:00.000+08:00

I am feeling hot...a bit..drunk...keke
all the happy stories..
why i always stuck with the unhappy de...
lol..
I make my life difficult ba.

2006-03-06T13:25:00.000+08:00

Somehow..everything is crystal clear now..
Tearing off the masks..that have been put in place since the first day.
I was never acting ... never wanted to let u down.
Is revenge for u really so sweet?
I hope so ba..hope it can soothe the hurt I caused.
I just hope u will be happy doing all the things u did.
I can't look back anymore after tonight.
I will just have to walk away.
Just like how I walk away from the one I loved most.
Although the pain is more dull this time then the previous...
It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

As for you, I can feel that you have moved on...
I hope my sacrifice of holding on was worth it...
I hope it allowed u to have a smoother transition to move on...
Although I know I will end up hurting myself..cause now I have to soothe my own feelings alone...
Yet.. I have no regrets doing what I did...I know it from the day when I pulled you two together that...this is the only thing I can do for u.
To let you move on totally before me...to let u feel no more regrets for the promise you can't keep.

You once said I know how to play with people's mind very well...
Perhaps I seem manipulative to you..
Maybe you don't wanna move on..and you hate me for manipulating the situation till you have no choice...
In my heart...last night when u told me u can't promise me...
I felt a stab of pain...then dull pain...then numbness...then relieved...somehow everything worked out I guess.
Not exactly the way I thought it would because I did not expect you to lie to me again...
And that increased the hurt but also my determination to let it end.

Things just escalate...perhaps if in the event..u did not accept my manipulation..and u continued to love me in silence...perhaps I will accept u eventually and return u ur xmas gift...perhaps things won't have to end this way...perhaps...I will not feel this disappointed. Ni ai wo bu gou shen...ni de ai bu gou zhen...I onli need someone to love me for who I am. To be able to share his sorrows and woes with me. To be patient with me...you said u can't be what I want...this i have to agree...because at the end...ni zhen de bu ming bai ai ...in reality...ni dui wo de ai bu shi ai...its just a routine not love. Its just the dread of loving someone else again that is stopping u from moving on. Its just excuses...everything is all excuses...you are always finding excuses...and I was also finding excuses for u...till now..I am still trying to convince myself that I shouldn't feel anything at all. I don't know how am I going to face u later. Am I going to be cold? Am I going to break down? Am I going to act normal like u? Am I going to pretend nothing has happen? Or am I going to be fake and pretend it doesn't mean a thing to me. This act of exchanging back things...So simple yet so complicated.
The feelings within..so complex. So tangled up in a web.

At the end of the day...there is only wistfulness...
I don't know why I gave u so many chances..perhaps its just to prove to myself that its really over. that u have really moved on. so that I can also move on.

I don't know why I must always choose this way of ending also...
Why must I always allow people to move on..before I allow myself to move on..
Why must I always be the one to sweep up the dust...
Sigh...
Why can't I just be a bit more hard hearted?
Why can I only be hard hearted after I moved on..
Why do I still feel anything at all.

Xiang ku...bu guo ku bu chu lai...

I guess this part of the song really is for me...:

We don't talk the way we used to talk, it's hurting me so deep
I got my pride, I will not cry
But it's making me weak/Still I can't help but care
I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everythings ok
Boy I am only human

Long time no type long entry le..just wanna vent all my feelings out in this entry ba...

Although this post is for someone who is not my boyfriend..but every word that I say...its real and from my heart. I know by typing this entry out I may hurt that special someone...but I hope he will understand that I really keep too much inside far too long and that person really was the closest to me through my worst moments in life...

I always thought I could trust and rely on him forever...
I always thought we can be good buddies even if it doesn't work out between us.
Why is every guy so realistic?
Have interest : the girl is a gem.
No interest: the girl is just a parasite.
lol..

And why are girls always so stupid to think so much..
to care so much ...
to try so hard...

I won't say guys have no feelings...but..still...the emotional impact...
is it really true that they move on easier once they have someone else by their side..
so far all the guys I have met...all are like this lehz..
but for guy friends...they are still as devoted
-.-
Maybe its just me...
I make people move on..
Dun want them to hang on and they really move lor. lol
................................................

u can wait for her for 5 years..
5 long years...
u can't even keep ur promise to me for 2 years...
what does it say....lol..
u learnt ur lessons le ba.

I am glad. :)

2006-03-06T12:01:00.000+08:00

wo yi jing bu zai hu ni le.

This sentence to me..
Simply means...
Peng you dou mei de zuo le.......
Perhaps better this way ba.....

If u chose to say..wo bu ai ni le..
Maybe we still can be friends in the future.
For now..I know how weak I am...in emotions.
I don't wanna sink myself into another whirlpool.

I rather be alone then be with anyone..
For now..I am lucky to have that special someone beside me..
When he is not free..I guess I will juz bury myself in work..
This will lessen the pain ba..I hope.

2006-03-06T04:31:00.000+08:00

3/6/6...
nice date...
having a terrible headache...
>_<
guess I am going to bed.
nth much to say coz there is nth left...

2006-03-06T04:05:00.000+08:00

Early in the morning I put breakfast at your table
一夜都沒睡但我不曾如此清醒我把早餐準備了妳
愛吃的東西這次換我等妳被咖啡的香味叫醒想要照顧每天早晨
對我微笑著的妳還能夠做些什麼代替我的歉意總是望著我小心翼翼
順著我呼吸而我竟然理所當然讓妳精疲力盡
You are my super woman oh～
安靜的在身邊無條件給我夢寐以求的溫柔
But I am only human oh～

我怎麼不懂妳多寂寞殘忍的犯了錯不能失去妳
Ooh baby～Baby～
You find your way through the rush hour, try to make it home just for me月光下緊緊靠著彼此
只求夜深一點有多久沒有
好好看妳只是認定了我無論在什麼時候回頭都有妳的笑容是我忽略了妳也會有想要哭的感覺沒有一種付出應該
永遠心甘情願再給被寵壞的男人　
最後一次機會換我忍耐　換我等待不要真的棄權

You are my super woman
安靜的在身邊無條件給我夢寐以求的溫柔
But I am only human
我怎麼不懂妳多寂寞殘忍的犯了錯
不能失去妳
Oh baby～
是我把愛想的太簡單
以为只要我存在就能让你取暖
心里唯一的superwoman
没有人能代替
不能想像更不能原谅这样让爱化成灰烬
You were my superwoman
安靜的在身邊無條件給我夢寐以求的溫柔
But I am only human

我怎麼不懂妳多寂寞殘忍的犯了錯不能失去妳

Early in the morning
I put breakfast at your table
And make sure that your coffee has it's sugar and cream
Your eggs are over easy, your toast done lightly
All that's missing is your morning kiss that used to greet me
Now you say your juice is sour, it used to be so sweet
And I can't help but to wonder if you're talking about me
We don't talk the way we used to talk, it's hurting me so deep
I got my pride, I will not cry
But it's making me weak
I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everythings ok
Boy I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional Hugs
as a token of love from you to me
I fought my way through the rush hour trying to make it home
just for you
I want to make sure that your dinner will be waiting for you
But when you get there you just tell me you're not hungry at all
You said you'd rather read the paper and you don't want to talk
You're like to think that I'm just crazy when I say that you've changed
I'm convinced I know the problem, you don't love me the same
You're just going through the motions and you're not being fair
I got my pride, I will not cry
Still I can't help but care

Ooh baby, look into the corner of your mind
I'll always be there for you through good and bad times
But I can't be that superwoman that you want me to be
I give my everlasting love if you return love to me
If you feel it in your heart and you understand me
stop right where you are, everybody sing along with me
I'm the kind of girl that can treat you so sweet
But you got to realize that you've got to be sweeter to me
I need love, I need trust, your love

当初初给他的双手抱我那一瞬
曾软软笑笑但不知所措却竟相信
在世界我最软弱所以要他相拥
就让我那懒懒身躯躲进臂弯之中
无论现实或是造梦都给他每秒操纵
从来没发觉他的呼吸催促我变得多蠢
误信了我弱质纤纤随便也感动
并未知道我也可以完全麻木放纵
多得他给我勇气真的要多得他
去使我懂得每一个故事结尾无非别离
总是别离失去他先知
我也可不需要那臂弯不哭也不生气
我最初天天只等他将体温躯去我寒意
还承认我太怕冷要靠爱侣输出暖意
谁料到今天只得一个仍然可以生活
若是感到四处太冷漠穿上我的冬衣
我最初抓紧他的双手从来不爱自由
能让我永远地拥有已觉真的富有
那料这回抹掉眼泪也要靠我的手
即使他已爱我多久仍会高飞远走
Oh baby 他的爱意反复改变我
也许相恋得太多人亦渐渐不知对错
天生孤单过距再上路也不清楚
要看得清楚却不心需要那点恋火多得他不再爱我
(oh no no no! the kind of girl that you can let down thinking everything is ok I'm only human)
(oh good good good cause you can't don't let me don't you let me down I'm only human)
(oh no oh no the kind of girl that you can let down thinking everything is ok I'm only human.that girl is more than occasional hearts as a joken of love oh if you feel it in your heart and you understand me stop right where you are everybody sing along with me)

3 versions of one song...
Chinese,English and Cantonese...
All different meanings..

2006-03-06T01:55:00.000+08:00

I would be lying if I said that I am not angry or sad but somehow...when the thought that u will be happier this way...enters my heart...
I feel that its silly of me to feel unhappy...cause this is really just the best ending... for u at least and perhaps for me too.

But I can't help what I am feeling..hence I just wanna take some time out..and perhaps heal the wounds that have begun to form.

2006-03-05T16:39:00.000+08:00

Ni rang wo ...
Cheng Xim..

xD

a leopard never changes it spots.

2006-03-05T16:11:00.000+08:00

hmmm..I feel like a fool...
Now I wonder..have I always been one juz coz I care too much?
Juz coz I think too much? Juz coz I trust too much?
Why does everything so simple has to be turn into something complicated? Why does everything I suspect turn into the truth?
Why can't u juz prove that u can be trusted? Once again, the lies...its just so easy to lie after the first time isn't it. Don't make me giggle with madness. I am giving u a chance to fix it. If you don't . then thats it.
haha...u juz did it again...

2006-03-01T14:25:00.000+08:00

Shan Hu Hai
by Jay Chou
album: November's Chopin (2005)
[Jay]
海平面远方开始阴霾
悲伤要怎么平静纯白
我的脸上始终夹带
一抹浅浅的无奈
[Lara] (Jay)
你用唇语说你要离开 (情不在)
[Jay & Lara]
那难过无声慢了下来
汹涌潮水你听明白
不是浪而是泪海
[Chorus: Jay (Lara)]
转身离开
(你有话说不出来) 分手说不出来
JL: 海鸟跟鱼相爱
JL: 只是一场意外
我们的爱（给的爱）
JL: 差异一直存在
(回不来)
凤中尘埃
(等待)
JL: 竟累积成伤害
JL: 转身离开
JL: 分手说不出来
JL: 蔚蓝的珊瑚海
JL: 错过瞬间苍白
当初彼此（你我都）
JL: 不够成熟坦白
(不应改)
热情不改
(你的)
JL: 笑容勉强不来
JL: 爱深埋珊瑚海
[Jay]
毁坏的沙碉如何重来
有裂痕的爱怎么重盖
只是一切结束太快
你说你无法释怀
[Lara] (Jay)
贝壳里隐藏着什么期待 (等花儿开)
[Jay and Lara]
我们也已经无心再猜
面向海风咸咸的爱
尝不出还有未来

hai ping mian yuan fang kai shi yin mai
bei shan yao zhe me ping jing chun bai
wo de nian shang shi zhong jia dai
yi mo qian qian de wu nai
ni yong chun yu shuo ni yao li kai (qing bu zai)
na nan guo wu sheng nan le xia lai
xiong yong chao sui ni ting ming bai
bu shi lang er shi lei hai
[Chorus]
zhuan shen li kai
(ni you hua shuo bu chu lai) fen shou shuo bu chu lai
hai niao gen yu xiang ai
zhi shi yi chang yi wai
wo men de ai （gei de ai）
cha yi yi zhi cun zai
(hui bu lai)
fen zhong zhen ai
(deng dai) jing lei ji cheng shang hai
zhuan shen li kai
fen shou shuo bu chu lai
wei lan de shan hu hai
can guo shun jian cang bai
dang chu bi ci (ni wo dou)
bu gou cheng shou tan bai
(bu ying gai) re qing bu gai
(ni de)
xiao rong mian qiang bu lai
ai shen mai shan hu hai
hui huai de sa diao ru he chong lai
you lie heng de ai zhe me chong gai
zhi shi yi qie jie shu tai kuai
ni shuo ni wu fa shi huai
bei ke li ying cang zhe she me qi dai (deng hua er kai)
wo men ye yi jing wu xin zai cai
mian xiang hai feng xian xian de ai
chang bu chu hai you wei lai

2006-02-24T13:21:00.000+08:00

hmmm time to be a cryptic..

recently heard abt some news...hope that all parties involved are happy with their lives now..

>_<

update more later. eat 1st! hungry!

2006-02-22T21:29:00.000+08:00

hmMm..lets see...life's been...messy as usual...

for those who know me..u should know. LOL...

haha...nth has been going right...now my phone down >_<

sigh..anything msn me ba..

2006-02-19T14:32:00.000+08:00

okok..no more chinese. i think i used too much! >< Time this time round is not to heal or to forgive but to allow me to move on.. Since u have the interest in her..then go ahead ba...with my blessings of course..I no longer need to care about ur feelings le...maybe this time I can really put all my heart in with my that special someone too.. Since the fire has died..why insist u will wait for 2 years...they are now all empty promises to me.. Time will show u what I mean... Cause once I get over u..there is no turning back. I shouldn't have been soft hearted...even agreeing to be friends was my folly... After thinking it through...and especially after that phone call and the smses that follow... Its too painful to even be friends cause it is apparent that everything u say still makes an impact on me!!! .........I dun wanna hurt myself no more... All the time I din wan to hurt u...but I end up hurting myself even more... Quit emphasising we are friends..its really very irritating ><
I thought everything will have a natural procession..but I guess..its just not meant to be.
Moving on from our past is definitely the best way to go...
If we were in a r/s..I will definitely quote this song..hao xin fen shou...
but coz we were never in a r/s and there was never really love to speak about...my only wish is for u to be happy..which I am very sure that with me out of ur life..u will definitely be happier. I don't want you to have any influence over my emotions anymore..I gave that right to u once..now I am taking it back.
Zai jian le!

To that someone special,
I am touched that you gave up so much for me... I promise before wo hui zhen xi wo men de yuan fen...
For you..I will try my best. xD muacks..
Xiang ni!

2006-02-19T00:53:00.000+08:00

hao ma bu chi hui dou cao..^^
li kai le wo...wo bu hui zai wan liu le...